I didn’t get a chance to write this morning (work deadline), so I’m squeezing in ten minutes tonight. I suppose I could’ve skipped it for one day, but I’m too scared to. I’m really bad at following through with things. All kinds of things. And I don’t know why. Sometimes it makes sense why I’m having trouble following through–writing is hard, cleaning the house is overwhelming, work is frustrating. But too much of the time, there seems to be no good reason why I’m not following through. And I start feeling guilt and shame. Over the years I’ve bought several presents for new babies of relatives and friends. Great, right? But I never sent them. One time I sent my friend a wedding present four years after her wedding. Four years! I kinda felt good after finally doing it, but I kinda just felt ridiculous and embarrassed. So what’s this buying-gifts-and-not-sending-them thing about? Hell if I know. It’s just not that hard to wrap stuff up and take it to the post office. And so now I have this stuff and every once in a while I come across it among all the clutter (yeah, I can’t seem to follow through with decluttering either) and I feel guilt and shame all over again.

I know we all have our issues, but for me, sometimes it’s easier to deal with them if I can see why I have them. The getting-gifts-mailed obstacles are invisible to me, so I keep running into them.