And now, more about fear–everyone’s favorite topic! If you don’t want to read about fear, you probably shouldn’t read this blog. I’m pretty sure it’ll come up a lot.

Yeah, so basically, I’ve let fear run my life. That’s starting to change, I think. I had to add the “I think” because one of the things I’m most afraid of is declaring something to be true, or real, or about to be true or real, or even potentially true or real. Because what if I’m wrong (see, there’s my annoying mate What If again [read post from two days ago for more on that mate])? Okay, let’s say I am wrong. Well, so what? I’m wrong. Why is the thought of being wrong so scary? Because people will think badly of me? Because I won’t be able to trust myself? Because my ego is that big?

I’m not sure why it’s so scary to be wrong, but I do know that it’s okay to be wrong. I know that even as I am afraid of it. One of the most frustrating things about being human is how we can know something in our heads but not know it in our hearts. We can know but not do, or not think we can do.

So one of the things I’ve been working a lot on is doing anyway. Doing even when it feels impossible, when I don’t know how to do it, when I don’t have time, when I might not do it perfectly. (Pro tip, that you probably already know but I’ll tell you anyway because reminders are good: You will never do anything perfectly. Perfect doesn’t exist.) Saying this is scary too, because what if I’m wrong? What if I’m not really working on it a lot? What if I stop doing scary things? What if I don’t have what it takes to do the really scary things? What if the scariness kills me?

Did I mention that I have an anxiety disorder? (I do know that to be true and real.) More to come on that. But just so I don’t leave you in too much suspense: the scariness has not, and will not ever, kill me. I know that to be true and real also.