I worked in the yard for about two hours today, which I have done maybe one other time in my life. It was really satisfying. I pulled up weeds and weeds and weeds and cut down four small trees. Nothing makes you feel quite as powerful as taking down a tree. Tree, you think you’re so high and mighty? Well, check your attitude, because you’re going down! You may be three times taller than me, but I have a saw and you don’t. And you have no opposable thumbs and you’re a little stiff in the joints, so even if you had a saw, too bad for you.

I didn’t say any of that to the tree. It did make me feel powerful to take down the trees, but I love trees, so what I actually did was apologize to the trees for cutting them down. I’m sure they appreciated that. Well, if you’re so sorry, you could, like, not kill us, they may have said.

We love nature, but on our terms, it seems. Yeah tree, I do like you and all, but over there, not here. You’re in the way here, okay, so no offense, but you have to go. Tree: Well, excuse me for being born in the wrong place. Nature shrugs it off, knowing it’s more powerful than we could ever be. We just play at dominion. Nature is the pro.