If you’re looking to be a little less productive, I am the one to turn to. I have been mastering the art of procrastinating and being unproductive for over forty-seven years! Here are my best pro tips for performing at the very minimum possible:

1. After working for fifteen minutes, take a thirty minute break, during which you do not get up from your chair to rest your eyes and stretch but stare at your phone instead of your computer. To feel extra-unproductive while on this break, look at the profiles of people you don’t know on Facebook.
2. Make that second cup of coffee. Or don’t. If you do, you’ll spend precious work time making it. If you don’t, you’ll keep falling asleep at your desk. Either way, it’s a win for unproductivity.
3. Cats. The more the better.
4. Snacks. Ditto.
5. Kids. Ditto ditto.

I didn’t have time to elaborate on those last three because I waited until the last minute to finish this post. If you need more pro tips, just let me know and I’ll be happy to waste my time thinking of some for you.